istian speak about being hungry. What the hell is that all about? God, and the car. I ha一ven’t even told Kate about the new car. What was Christian thinking?
And then this evening, he actually hit me. I’ve never been hit in my life. What ha一ve I gotten myself into? Very slowly, my tears, halted by Kate’s arrival, begin to slide down the side of my face and into my ears. I ha一ve fallen for someone who’s so emotionally shut down, I will only get hurt – deep down I know this – someone who by his own admission
is completely fucked up. Why is he so fucked up? It must be awful to be as affected as he is, and the thought that as a toddler he suffered some unbearable cruelty makes me cry harder. Perhaps if he was more normal he wouldn’t want you, my subconscious contributes snidely to my musings… and in my heart of hearts I know this is true. I turn into my pillow and the sluice gates open… and for the first time in years, I am sobbing uncontrollably into my pillow.
I am momentarily distracted from my dark night of the soul by Kate shouting.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?”
“Well you can’t!”
“What the fuck ha一ve you done to her now?”
“Since she’s met you she cries all the time.”
“You can’t come in here!”
Christian bursts into my bedroom and unceremoniously switches on the overhead light, making me squint.
“Jesus, Ana,” he mutters. He flicks the switch off again and is at my side in a moment.
“What are you doing here?” I gasp between sobs. Crap. I can’t stop crying.
He switches on the sidelight making me squint again. Kate comes and stands in the doorway.
“Do you want me to throw this asshole out?” she asks, radiating thermo-nuclear hostility.
Christian raises his eyebrows at her, no doub一t surprised by her flattering epithet and her feral antagonism. I shake my head, and she rolls her eyes at me. Oh… I wouldn’t do that near Mr. G.
“Just holler if you need me,” she says more gently. “Grey – your cards are marked,” she hisses at him. He nods at her, and she tur
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