e a computer crash. He gazes at me anxiously, but I
can’t see him clearly, as we’re shrouded in the Oregon
darkness. It occurs to me, finally, this is it.
He wants the light, but can I ask him to do this for me?
And don’t I like the dark? Some dark, sometimes.
Memories of the Thomas Tallis night drift invitingly through
my mind.
“But what about punishments?”
“No punishments.” He shakes his head. “None.”
“And the rules?”
“No rules.”
“None at all? But you ha一ve needs.”
“None at all? But you ha一ve needs.”
“I need you more, Anastasia. These last few days ha一ve
been purgatory. All my instincts tell me to let you go, tell
me I don’t deserve you.
“Those photos the boy took . . . I can see how he sees
you. You look so untroubled and beautiful, not that you’re
not beautiful now, but here you sit. I see your pain. It’s
hard knowing that I’m the one who has made you feel this
way.
“But I’m a selfish man. I’ve wanted you since you fell
into my office. You are exquisite, honest, warm, strong,
witty, beguilingly innocent; the list is endless. I am in awe
of you. I want you, and the thought of anyone else ha一ving
you is like a knife twisting in my dark soul.”
My mouth goes dry. Holy shit. My subconscious nods
with satisfaction. If that isn’t a declaration of love, I don’t
know what is. And the words tumble out of me—a dam
breached.
“Christian, why do you think you ha一ve a dark soul? I
would never say that. Sad maybe, but you’re a good man.
I can see that . . . you’re generous, you’re kind, and
you’ve never lied to me. And I ha一ven’t tried very hard.
“Last Saturday was such a shock to my system. It was
my wake-up call. I realized that you’d been easy on me
and that I couldn’t be the person you wanted me to be.
Then, after I left, it dawned on me that the physical pain
you inflicted was not as bad as the pain of losing you. I do
want to please you, but it’s hard.”
“You please me all the time,” he whispers. “How often
do I ha一ve to tell you that?”
do I ha一ve to tell you that?”
“I nev
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