Part II 17(21/23)

ireplace in Christian’s apartment. And despite the heat

pumping out of the fire and the blanket draped around my

shoulders, I’m cold. Bone-chillingly cold.

I’m aware of hushed voices, many hushed voices. But

they’re in the background, a distant buzz. I don’t hear the

words. All I can hear, all I can focus on, is the soft hiss of

the gas from the fire.

My thoughts turn to the house we saw yesterday and

My thoughts turn to the house we saw yesterday and

the huge fireplaces—real fireplaces for burning wood. I’d

like to make love with Christian in front of a real fire. I’d

like to make love with Christian in front of this fire. Yes,

that would be fun. No doub一t, he’d think of some way to

make it memorable like all the times we’ve made love. I

snort wryly to myself, even the times when we were just

fucking. Yes, those were pretty memorable, too. Where is

he?

The flames shimmy and flicker, holding me captive,

keeping me numb. I focus solely on their flaring, scorching

beauty. They are bewitching.

Anastasia, you’ve bewitched me.

He said that the first time he slept with me in my bed.

Oh no . . .

I wrap my arms around myself, and the world falls

away from me and reality bleeds into my consciousness.

The creeping emptiness inside expands some more.

Charlie Tango is missing.

“Ana. Here,” Mrs. Jones gently coaxes me, her voice

“Ana. Here,” Mrs. Jones gently coaxes me, her voice

bringing me back into the room, into the now, into the

anguish. She hands me a cup of tea. I take the cup and

saucer gratefully, the rattle betraying my shaking hands.

“Thank you,” I whisper, my voice hoarse from unshed

tears and the large lump in my throat.

Mia sits across from me on the larger-than-large Ushaped

couch, holding hands with Grace. They gaze at me,

pain and anxiety etched on their lovely faces. Grace looks

older—a mother worried for her son. I blink

dispassionately at them. I can’t offer a reassuring smile, a

tear even—there’s nothing, just blankness and the growing

emptiness. I gaze at E

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