He only held you once, and he was so proud. He
thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world.” Her
voice is a deathly hush as the familiar tale is retold . . .
voice is a deathly hush as the familiar tale is retold . . .
again. She will be in tears next.
“I know, Mom.”
“And then he died.” She sniffs, and I know this has set
her off as it does every time.
“Mom,” I whisper, wanting to reach down the phone
and hold her.
“I’m a silly old woman,” she murmurs and she sniffs
again. “Of course I am happy for you, darling. Does Ray
know?” she adds, and she seems to ha一ve recovered her
equilibrium.
“Christian’s just asked him.”
“Oh, that’s sweet. Good.” She sounds melancholic,
but she’s making an effort.
“Yes, it was,” I murmur.
“Ana, darling, I love you so much. I am happy for you.
And you must both visit.”
“Yes, Mom. I love you, too.”
“Bob is calling me, I ha一ve to go. Let me ha一ve a date.
We need to plan . . . are you ha一ving a big wedding?”
Big wedding, crap. I ha一ven’t even thought about that.
Big wedding? No. I don’t want a big wedding.
“I don’t know yet. As soon as I do, I’ll call.”
“Good. You take care now and be safe. You two
need to ha一ve some fun . . . plenty of time for kids later.”
Kids! Hmm . . . and there it is again—a not-so-veiled
reference to the fact that she had me so early.
“Mom, I didn’t really ruin your life, did I?”
She gasps. “Oh no, Ana, never think that. You were
the best thing that ever happened to your father and me. I
the best thing that ever happened to your father and me. I
just wish he was here to see you so grown up and getting
married.” She’s wistful and maudlin again.