THURSDAY, JULY 6, 1944Dearest Kitty,My blood runs cold when peter talks about becoming a criminal or a speculator; of course, he's joking, but I still have the feeling he's afraid of his own weakness.Margot and peter are always saying to me, "If I had your spunk and your strength, if I had your drive and unflagging energy, could. . .Is it really such an admirable trait not to let myself be influenced by others? Am I right in following my own conscience?To be honest, I can't imagine how anyone could say "I'm weak" and then stay that way. If you know that about yourself, why not fight it, why not develop your character? Their answer has always been: "Because it's much easier not to!" This reply leaves me feeling rather discouraged. Easy? Does that mean a life of deceit and laziness is easy too? Oh no, that can't be true. It can't be true that people are so readily tempted by ease. . . and money. I've given a lot of thought to what my answer should be, to how I should get peter to believe in himself and, most of all, to change himself for the better. I don't know whether I'm on the right track.I've often imagined how nice it would be if someone were to confide everything to me. But now that it's reached that point, I realize how difficult it is to put yourself in someope else's shoes and find the right answer. Especially since "easy" and "money" are new and com- pletely alien concepts to me.peter's beginning to lean on me and I don't want that, not under any circumstances. It's hard enough standing on your own two feet, but when you also have to remain true to your character and soul, it's harder still.I've been drifting around at sea, have spent days searching for an effective antidote to that terrible word "easy." How can I make it clear to him that, while it may seem easy and wonderful, it will drag him down to the depths, to a place where he'll no longer find friends, support or beauty, so far down that he may never rise to the surface again?We're all alive, but we
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