on’t know. Dr. Flynn and I are still in deep
discussion about it.”
discussion about it.”
Oh. Hope flares briefly in my heart. Perhaps we’ll be
okay. I want us to be okay. Don’t I? “What does that all
mean?” I whisper.
“It means I don’t need it. Not now.”
What? “How do you know? How can you be so
sure?”
“I just know. The thought of hurting you . . . in any real
way . . . it’s abhorrent to me.”
“I don’t understand. What about rulers and spanking
and all that kinky fuckery?”
He runs a hand through his hair and almost smiles but
instead sighs ruefully. “I’m talking about the hea一vy shit,
Anastasia. You should see what I can do with a cane or a
cat.”
My mouth drops open, stunned. “I’d rather not.”
“I know. If you wanted to do that, then fine . . . but
you don’t and I get it. I can’t do all that shit with you if you
don’t want to. I told you once before, you ha一ve all the
power. And now, since you came back, I don’t feel that
compulsion, at all.”
I gape at him for a moment trying to take this all in.
“When we met, that’s what you wanted, though?”
“Yes, undoub一tedly.”
“How can your compulsion just go, Christian? Like
I’m some kind of panacea, and you’re—for want of a
better word—cured? I don’t get it.”
He sighs once more. “I wouldn’t say cured . . . You
don’t believe me?”
“I just find it—unbelievable. Which is different.”
“If you’d never left me, then I probably wouldn’t feel
this way. You walking out on me was the best thing you
ever did . . . for us. It made me realize how much I want
you, just you, and I mean it when I say I’ll take you any
way I can ha一ve you.”
I gaze at him. Can I believe this? My head hurts just
trying to think this all through, and deep down I feel . . .
numb.
“You’re still here. I thought you would be out of the
door by now,” he whispers.
door by now,” he whispers.
“Why? Because I might think you’re a sicko for
whipping and fucking women who look like your mother?
Whatever would give you that impression?” I hiss at him,
lashing out.
He blanches at
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