s
them again, they are raw. “My world was ordered, calm and 468 | P a g e
E L JAMES
controlled, then you came into my life with your smart mouth, your innocence,
your beauty, and your quiet temerity . . . and everything before you was just
dull, empty, mediocre . . . it was nothing.”
Oh my.
“I fell in love,” he whispers.
I stop breathing. He caresses my cheek.
“So did I,” I murmur with the little breath I ha一ve left. His eyes soften. “I know,”
he mouths.
“You do?”
“Yes.”
Hallelujah! I smile shyly at him. “Finally,” I whisper. He nods.
“And it’s put everything into perspective for me. When I was younger, Elena
was the center of my world. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for her. And she
did a lot for me. She stopped my drinking. Made me work hard at school . . .
You know, she ga一ve me a coping mechanism I hadn’t had before, allowed
me to experience things that I never thought I could.”
“Touch,” I whisper.
He nods. “After a fashion.”
I frown, wondering what he means.
He hesitates at my reaction.
Tell me! I will him.
“If you grow up with a wholly negative self-image, thinking you’re some kind
of reject, an unlovable sa一vage, you think you deserve to be beaten.”
Christian . . . you are none of those things.
He pauses and runs his hand through his hair. “Ana, it’s much easier to wear
your pain on the outside . . .” Again, it’s a confession. Oh.
“She channeled my anger.” His mouth presses together in a bleak line.
“Mostly inward—I realize that now. Dr. Flynn’s been on and on about this for
some time. It was only recently that I saw our relationship for what it was. You
know . . . on my birthday.”
I shudder as the unwelcome memory of Elena and Christian verbally
eviscerating each other at Christian’s birthday party surfaces unwelcome in
my mind.
46一9 | P a g e
Fifty Shades Freed
“For her that side of our relationship was about sex and control and a lonely
woman finding some kind of comfort with her boy toy.”
“But you like control,” I whisper.
“Yes. I do. I always will, Ana.
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